When Christians Disagree

 

I’ve been thinking lately about disagreements between Christians and how we ought to think of one another and relate to one another, even in the most difficult of circumstances. I admit that I have made many mistakes in this regard and have written about some of them previously; but I am also learning from those mistakes. Jesus said that the world will know we are His disciples by our love (John 13:35). He even said that they will know the Father sent the Son when they see the way in which we love one another (John 17:21). As I have reflected on my past and on the state of the Church today, I have been thinking specifically about Paul’s instructions on love and how they apply when there are sharp disagreements and even divisions among Christians.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul said that love “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7).

We all know that disagreements and divisions exist. But it seems to me that we are living in an age uniquely marked by polarization. We’ve always had our differences, but these differences are no longer treated as they once were. In recent years, differences that were once tolerated are being elevated to a place of importance and prominence that is not warranted by Scripture. Worse, there is a sensitivity among us that reflects more pride than Christlikeness. We are easily offended, easily angered, and not so easily entreated (James 1:19-20).

Let’s consider some of the reasons for disagreement and division among believers who share the primary doctrines in common.

A. First, there are disagreements over secondary matters, like the subjects of baptism, the role of women in ministry, or even whether to gather for worship during a lockdown (Romans 14:5-6).

B. Second, there are disagreements over tertiary matters, like the specifics of eschatology or the mode of baptism.

C. Third, there are disagreements over matters even less clear in Scripture, like climate change, politics, and education (Romans 14:22-23).*

D. But sometimes these differences are more personal. It becomes personal when we - or others - impute motives, though we do not have access to the hidden motives of the heart (1 Corinthians 4:5). It also becomes personal when offense is taken or sin is committed (Matthew 18:15-17). Sometimes it’s personal because false accusations are made, reputations are damaged, misunderstandings arise, or someone is hurt by the words and actions of others (Proverbs 18:17).

Whether these differences are over doctrines - secondary, tertiary, or adiaphora - or for more personal reasons, the tendency is toward polarization. There is the good side and the bad side: “us and them,” or even “us against them.” Friends who could once agree to disagree are now estranged. Relationships that were strong are now broken. Respect gives way to disdain. Smiles and greetings once welcome are now met with a cold shoulder (Galatians 5:15). How, in a context like this - with disagreements, misunderstandings, sin, and division - are we to preserve the unity of the Church?

Here I would like to offer some suggestions. Sometimes division is necessary. The secondary matters, for example, are important differences that certainly justify division at the denominational level.  Similarly, where attempts at reconciliation are not received, separation is warranted (Matthew 18:17). However, I believe the following suggestions, if heeded, would go far toward healing the breaches between us and bringing honor to the name of Jesus in an age where we are less known by our unity than we are by our differences.

First, remember that we are family in Christ. We have a very precious bond in Him. Paul says we are “fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household” (Ephesians 2:19). Elsewhere, he says, “So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10); and “So we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another” (Romans 12:5). John writes, “But to all who did receive Him, who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12). This means that all believers are children of our heavenly Father. He has adopted us, which makes us brothers and sisters - for eternity.

I can’t help but think of the bond I have with my own family, my flesh and blood. Nothing could induce me to cut any one of them off. No matter how far they drift or fall, no matter what they might do, I would always love them. I might not condone what they do, and in a worst-case scenario, I might be forced to exclude them from family gatherings, but I would lovingly pursue them as long as I had breath. I would pray for them, lovingly cover their sins with love where possible (1 Peter 4:8), and my posture would be like that of the prodigal’s father - always watching and waiting for the welcome sight of their return (Luke 15:20).

It seems to me that if we remember we are family, we would be more charitable and patient in our dealings with one another. We would cover one another’s sins. We would meekly and gently entreat one another to return (Galatians 6:1). We would pray earnestly for one another, and we would eagerly await the day when we might be reconciled - not so that they might grovel in the dust while we reprove them, but so that we may take them into our homes and tell them all is forgiven.

Second, believe the best - or, as Paul put it, “love believes all things.” To my shame, I have failed in this more times than I’d like to admit. And when I did, I was rightly criticized for it. I didn’t know the heart, yet at times I spoke and acted as if I did.

Consider, for a moment, what the apostle is saying. This is not about our attitude toward theology, philosophy, or worldviews. The context is relationship. And he’s saying - in effect - “If you love someone, you will believe them.” You won’t assume they’re hiding something or lying. Love trusts their word.

Hodge said that “love readily credits what men say in their own defense.”  When someone wrongs you and offers an explanation, love believes it.  This doesn’t mean ignoring truth once all facts are known. It means giving the benefit of the doubt.

I have often seen, even in myself, a tendency toward suspicion - as if we are not ready to credit what others say in their own defense. We think they don’t know their own heart, though somehow we do, or we assume they’re lying. We assign motives like selfish ambition, pride, cowardice, or worse. In other words, we assume there must be more than they’re telling us

Do you remember the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal? How desperate the prophets were - cutting themselves, as if to convince Baal they were in earnest? Have you considered that you don’t need to convince God of your sincerity? He believes your prayers without needing proof.

But I believe there’s more to this than His omniscience. Have you ever wondered why Jesus took Judas into the inner circle? Why did He make him His disciple? Because He believed him. I’m not suggesting Jesus was naive. He knew what Judas would do, but He fulfilled all righteousness. In other words, He treated Judas as we should treat others - even those who behave like Judas. Judas gave his word, and Jesus took it at face value.

Likewise, after Peter denied Him three times, Jesus asked three times, “Do you love me?”  Peter didn’t have to prove it - he only had to answer.  

In the same way, we would see far less division, polarization, and animosity if Christians lived by this standard. What someone did may have seemed ungodly to you, but it could be that they did it in faith as unto the Lord. Their disagreement with you - their doctrinal or political position - may baffle you, but it could be the fruit of careful study of God’s Word, much prayer, and a clear conscience. Indeed, they may live nearer to God than you do.

The tendency to look down on believers who disagree, to distance ourselves from those in opposing camps, to react with indignation and anger toward different perspectives, and to impute ungodly motives to others’ actions or convictions is a failure to believe all things. And tragically, this failure contributes to much of the disunity we see today.

I believe we could do much to heal the divisions caused by our words and conduct during 2020 and 2021 if we simply believed the best of those on the other side. The same applies to differences over law and politics, education, and climate issues.

Third, take John Bradford’s words as your motto: “There but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford.”  There were things that happened in 2020 and 2021 that baffled me - some even outraged me. I saw them as cut-and-dry issues and could not comprehend what I perceived to be the blatant sin and failure of fellow believers. Assuming I was right - and setting aside, for a moment, the admonition to believe all things - what if I had made these words my motto? At the very least, I believe I would have spoken and acted with greater mercy and compassion.

Unfortunately, we too easily forget what John Bradford understood: we are also sinners, and if it were not for God’s grace, we could do the same - or far worse.

I am not suggesting that we turn a blind eye to sin or error. But I am convinced that if we better understood ourselves - and the grace of God - we would respond with less self-righteousness and more grace. Instead of going on the attack, we would lovingly entreat. Instead of disrupting relationships or cutting people out of our lives, we would strive for reconciliation. Instead of canceling and criticizing, we would bear with one another and, in the spirit of love, seek to cover sin.

Fourth, learn to do what Gavin Ortlund calls “doctrinal triage.”  I believe that much of the division we are witnessing today can be attributed, in part, to what a number of voices have described as a new kind of fundamentalism spreading rapidly through the church. This emerging fundamentalism is often marked by a posture more defined by what it opposes than by what it affirms. More critically, it tends to elevate secondary and even tertiary issues to the level of primary doctrines.

Those caught up in this movement will not likely agree with my designations. They might, for example, view women in ministry as a primary issue, rather than a secondary one. I remember my dismay when I discovered that in her book Shepherds for Sale, Megan Basham had included climate change as a marker of theological compromise and sellout. I don’t want to misrepresent her, but it seemed to me that she took something not treated explicitly in Scripture - what would classically be considered adiaphora - and elevated it to a position of doctrinal prominence, one that belongs properly to the essentials of the faith.

When I treated the question of obedience to the magistrate as though it were a primary matter - rather than a secondary or even tertiary one - I was guilty of the same error. It sowed seeds of division. And this, I believe, is a key part of the problem facing the church today: many no longer recognize the distinctions between primary, secondary, and tertiary doctrines. When every issue becomes a test of orthodoxy, division becomes inevitable.

Similarly, matters once regarded as indifferent - areas in which Christians could charitably disagree - are now treated as primary concerns requiring absolute uniformity. This shift hasn’t been formalized in creeds or confessions, but it has certainly taken root in practice. Increasingly, believers who wholeheartedly affirm historic confessions of faith find themselves viewed with suspicion if they differ on topics like climate change, public education, or politics. The list of supposed primary issues has expanded so dramatically that even small disagreements are now seen as sufficient cause for separation.

But this is not the way of the New Testament church. The apostle Paul writes, “Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations... Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth” (Romans 14:1, 4). And again, he exhorts believers to keep “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:3), and to “let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another” (Romans 14:19).

Unless we recover this sense of biblical proportion and humility, we will continue to fracture over what ought never to divide the body of Christ.

Fifth, rejoice that Christ is preached. I have learned that some things in life are mysteries we will only understand in eternity. The decisions, words, or actions of other believers may sometimes seem inconsistent with their profession of faith and who we believe them to be. Rather than rushing to judgment or trying to sort it all out in our minds, we are better off setting these things aside as mysteries to be resolved one day by God, who sees the hidden things of the heart.

Like anyone else, I have experienced disappointment, hurt, and anger over the actions of fellow believers. But I am learning to accept the mysteries I cannot resolve. What I can do is rejoice that Christ is preached. I don’t need to understand why others do what they do - I can believe the best of them, and when they preach Jesus, I can be glad.

I have written before about the ARP - posts which I have since removed - about Paul Carter, Wyatt Graham and others whose words and conduct I at times took exception to. Some posts I removed; others I kept. But here’s the thing: to the best of my knowledge all of these men preach Jesus, and I cannot help but rejoice in that. I know they are my brothers in the faith, and we will one day share eternity together. I believe each has tried, in their own way, to honor the Savior they love. And I know they have made it their life’s mission to proclaim the glories of Christ and His gospel.

How then can I be anything but glad in that reality? The mysteries will one day be understood, misunderstandings sorted out, but in the meantime, these are men making much of the Savior I love.

Paul faced a much more difficult situation and was able to say: “Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife; and some also of good will: The one preach Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to my bonds: But the other of love, knowing that I am set for the defence of the gospel. What then? notwithstanding, every way, whether in pretence, or in truth, Christ is preached; and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice (Philippians 1:15–18).”

He was faced with men preaching insincerely, seeking to cause him trouble. I certainly cannot say the same of those with whom I differ. And so, like Paul, as I survey the Church with all its differences and consider the ministries of men whose decisions have sometimes baffled me, I cannot help but say: “Notwithstanding… Christ is preached, and I therein do rejoice, yea, and will rejoice.”

It is my firm conviction that if we learned to rejoice - like Paul - that Christ is preached, much of the division and animosity among us would give way to peace, gratitude, and even affection.

Conclusion

I cannot say with Paul, “Be ye followers of me,” for I have too often failed in these things. But I am learning from my mistakes, and I offer this in the hope that it may serve the Church and help others avoid some of the errors I have made. May God, in His grace, heal the divisions among us and bring a season of refreshing from His presence.

* Some might take issue with my inclusion of politics and education in this list. While certain issues - such as abortion, transgenderism, and homosexuality - are clearly contrary to God’s moral law, it is not always evident how best to address these matters politically, especially when all major parties oppose that moral law. Likewise, it is clear that parents bear the responsibility to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. However, whether children should be homeschooled or sent to a Christian school is not so clear. Further still, there is no definitive guideline for determining the appropriate age to send children to public school, whether at the secondary or post-secondary level.