Hope for the Discouraged: Yet Not I, But Christ

While spending time in the hospital again and facing a number of unknowns, I found myself reflecting on the lyrics of the hymn Yet Not I But Through Christ in Me. I thought I’d share a few thoughts I jotted down during that time.*

A. “What gift of grace is Jesus, my Redeemer.” I don’t know what you are facing today, and none of us can know what we may face tomorrow. We do know the Lord gives and the Lord takes away (Job 1:21). And we also know that we ought to be able to say with Eli: “It is the Lord: let him do what seemeth him good (1 Samuel 3:18).”

Sometimes we find ourselves saying these things in the midst of what some call “dark providences.” And truly, some things do feel dark. When our bodies fail, when death looms ahead, when loved ones are taken from us - the grief, fear, and pain can be palpable.

But as believers, we are not called to stoicism. Even now, we may “put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3). Even now - in this night season - God can give us a song (Psalm 42:8). Even now, we can have “joy unspeakable and full of glory” (1 Peter 1:8).

Because while there may be shadows around us, there are also glorious certainties. We have been given a gift - one we can never lose, one that is ours forever. And that gift of grace is this: “Jesus, my Redeemer.”

What I mean to say is simply this.  I have Jesus. And you who believe in Him also have Jesus. He has been lovingly and freely given to you. “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given” (Isaiah 9:6). And again: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16).

He is yours - now and forever. Your Friend who “sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). Your Saviour who “came to seek and to save that which was lost” (Luke 19:10). Your Lord, who “is not ashamed to call [you] brethren” (Hebrews 2:11). Your Great Physician who “healeth all thy diseases” (Psalm 103:3). Your High Priest who “ever liveth to make intercession” for you (Hebrews 7:25). Your God who says: “Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah 31:3).

This same Jesus, who loved you and gave Himself for you (Galatians 2:20), who buries your sins in the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19), and who remembers your iniquities no more (Hebrews 8:12), is yours.  As the bride in the Song of Solomon says: “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine” (Song of Solomon 6:3).

And so, I hope you can see - even now - that you are truly rich. Or as David put it, "The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage (Psalm 16:6).

“What gift of grace is Jesus, my Redeemer.”   What marvelous, amazing grace - that we should have this precious, blessed Jesus.  What a great and wonderful Redeemer!

B. “There is no more for Heaven now to give.”  Perhaps what the author meant is that heaven has no greater gift to give than Jesus Himself - and that’s true. But I can’t help thinking: heaven is heaven because Jesus is there. Without Him, heaven would not be heaven. The truth is, I don’t need to know much else about it - only that there, I will see my beloved Saviour. There I will dwell with Him. There I will look upon His face - perhaps kneel at His feet and wash them with grateful tears - but certainly serve Him and love Him, sinlessly and forever.

I am looking forward to seeing Him. Though I have often let Him down and feel some shame and trepidation at the thought, I believe “he justifieth the ungodly” (Romans 4:5), and that my sins are paid for and forgotten. 

I can’t help but wonder what it will be like when I finally do see Him. I imagine there will be kindness in His eyes - eyes that saw the multitudes and had compassion on them. I expect His face will be marked by the same lovingkindness, tenderness, and mercy that defined His life on earth.  Perhaps I’ll be able to hug Him - or He will hug me. I don’t know. But I do know this: “All that thrills my soul is Jesus,” and all that thrills my heart will be there.

As I look to the future, I rest not only in the promise that He will never leave me, but in the hope that one day I will see Him - “the chiefest among ten thousand” (Song of Solomon 5:10), and “altogether lovely” (v.16).

C. “He is my joy, my righteousness, and freedom; My steadfast love, my deep and boundless peace.”  When I consider these words here's what comes to mind:

First, He is my exceeding joy (Psalm 43:4). There is no other joy like Him. Nothing else satisfies. Nothing else brings deep, unspeakable, unshakable, lasting joy. Only Jesus - not merely His gifts, but Jesus Himself. Jesus, who lifts up our heads (Psalm 3:3), who holds our right hand (Isaiah 41:13), who walks with us in the fire (Isaiah 43:2), who has graven our names upon the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), and who alone is majesty, glory, and love.

Second, He is my righteousness. His perfect obedience is mine by virtue of union with Him through faith. “Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe” (Romans 3:22). What He has done in fulfilling the covenant of works is mine. I am clothed in “the robe of righteousness” (Isaiah 61:10), and so I face death without fear of condemnation (Romans 8:1).

Third, He is “my steadfast love.” I take this to mean He loves me with an eternal, immovable, unconditional love. Can you imagine that? He says, “I have loved thee with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3). Think for a moment on the glory of those words. He - the Omnipotent Creator, the Ruler of the seas, the Wonderful Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Prince of Peace - loves you not with changing, uncertain affection, but with a love that “passeth knowledge” (Ephesians 3:19).

Finally, “my deep and boundless peace.” It’s true, isn’t it?  It's a peace “which passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Not simply the objective peace that belongs to the justified (Romans 5:1), but also that subjective, precious calm for the troubled believer. I don’t believe it always means the absence of fear or anxiety. But it is a kind of anchor for the soul - a spiritual assurance that we are in His hands. That our Father is sovereign. That our Shepherd walks with us. That “all things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28). And that even if all else is shaken, His love for us is not. “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life… shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).

D. “To this I hold, my hope is only Jesus; For my life is wholly bound to His.”  As Christians, we can affirm those words wholeheartedly. What are we affirming?

First, “my hope is only Jesus.”  Where else would we go? To whom else would we turn? As Peter said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). Everything else is sinking sand. But here is a Rock - an omnipotent Saviour whose work at the cross satisfied the justice of God. “He was raised again for our justification” (Romans 4:25), and given “a name which is above every name” (Philippians 2:9). He will reign until “he hath put all enemies under his feet” (1 Corinthians 15:25). And to us who believe, He says: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live” (John 11:25). "I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death (Revelation 1:18)."

Second, “my life is wholly bound to His.”  This doesn’t mean I no longer struggle with sin. It doesn’t mean I always walk as I should. It means that Jesus is my life, so that I cannot even imagine life without Him. “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). As Paul put it, if Christ is not risen, I am of all people most miserable (1 Corinthians 15:19). “Believer, isn’t your heart like a compass—always drawn to true North, always returning to Christ?"

In joy, who do you thank? In trial, to whom do you cry? In grief, when all pleasures fail - who is your comfort? When God gives a song for whom do you sing? To whom would you turn but Jesus?

E. “The night is dark, but I am not forsaken; For by my side, the Saviour He will stay.”  I’ve already touched on this, but let me ask: is the night dark for you? Perhaps through illness, loss, or even depression?  Some seasons are dark. 

But you are not forsaken. That is His promise: “Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world” (Matthew 28:20). “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). This is what makes us content - not health, not riches, not stability, but Him.

My loved ones have at times stood by my side - and in seasons of medical crisis, that’s a precious comfort. But they are not always there. Jesus is. Always our precious Jesus is graciously, attentively, faithfully present. And in those moments when we recognize His nearness, He teaches us this truth: “Thy lovingkindness is better than life” (Psalm 63:3).

F. “To this I hold, my Shepherd will defend me; Through the deepest valley, He will lead.”  What a comfort to know that we have a faithful Shepherd - One who walks with us in the valley. Not like the hireling who flees at danger, but like the Good Shepherd who “giveth his life for the sheep” (John 10:11). He is not far off. He doesn’t merely watch from above - He leads us. “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me” (Psalm 23:4).

He is our refuge, our hiding place (Psalm 32:7), our strong tower (Proverbs 18:10). When danger comes, He does not step back.  He goes before us, calming seas, subduing lions, healing the sick, and carrying the weak close to His heart (Isaiah 40:11).

G.  “No fate I dread, I know I am forgiven; The future sure, the price it has been paid. For Jesus bled and suffered for my pardon, And He was raised to overthrow the grave.”  Isn’t it glorious to live without fear of fate? Isn't it wonderful to know that we are forgiven?

“Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered” (Psalm 32:1).   “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).  The future is not uncertain - it is secure. “Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things… but with the precious blood of Christ” (1 Peter 1:18–19).

Jesus has suffered for our pardon. “He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities” (Isaiah 53:5). He died. And then, He rose again to “abolish death” (2 Timothy 1:10), to “destroy him that had the power of death” (Hebrews 2:14), and to “overthrow the grave” forever.

H.  “To this I hold, my sin has been defeated; Jesus now and ever is my plea.” What a marvellous truth! Sin is defeated. Death and the grave have no victory! “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? … thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:55, 57). He paid for it. “It is finished” (John 19:30).

And when asked what I shall say for myself, I don’t need to fear that I have nothing to offer. The accuser may be partly right, and there is no defense for the indefensible. Like Job, there is a sense in which my mouth is stopped (Job 40:4; Romans 3:19).

But still - I can speak. I can make my plea. And it is Jesus I plead.  I bring nothing in my hands, yet with these empty hands, I take hold of Jesus and cling to Him.  He is enough.  “And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel” (Hebrews 12:24).

I.  “With every breath, I long to follow Jesus; For He has said that He will bring me home.”  Isn't it true that God has made you to want to follow Him? Gratitude, wonder, and love move us. But I especially love the phrase: “He has said that He will bring me home.”

That’s what He prayed in Gethsemane: “Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am” (John 17:24). And what He prayed, He will fulfill.

He will bring me home. Not to a strange or uncertain place - but home.  My citizenship is already there (Philippians 3:20). My name is already in the Book (Luke 10:20). The angels minister to me now (Hebrews 1:14), and the saints above - “a great cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1) - await the day when all whom Jesus purchased with His blood, for whom He interceded with strong crying and tears, for whom He died, are gathered to Him in glory.

Conclusion

Reader, I hope you’ll take time to ponder these words. Look to Jesus. Join me in wonder and amazement.

Maybe you are in a night season – tossed, afflicted, weighed down with doubts and fears. Those are real. I won’t pretend they aren’t. These are the “negatives.” But in the face of such overwhelming positives - in the light of such a gift - will you not put on the garment of praise? Whatever mess you are in, here are unshakable truths and an unshakable Saviour. He is for you. He loves you, and He will not let you go.

Which brings us back to the title of the hymn: Yet Not I But Through Christ in Me.  Yes, you are a sinner. Yes, unworthy. Yes, Satan’s accusations are likely true. There is the “I” - and in me, “that is, in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing” (Romans 7:18).  There is failure, faithlessness, unbelief in you.   There is often fear instead of peace.  There is often sadness and depression instead of joy. 

But - it is not I.   It is Christ in me.  That’s the point.  Not who you are, but who He is. Not what you’ve done, but what He’s done.  Not your faithfulness, but His.

He loves you. He died for you. He rose for you. He intercedes for you. He is with you.  He rules for you. He carries you. He will never turn you away.  He will never leave you. He will always love you. And one day, He will bring you safely home.

* It seems I have recurrent exertional rhabdomyolysis (ER).  Rhabdomyolysis (rhabdo) is a condition where muscle tissue breaks down rapidly, releasing proteins like myoglobin into the bloodstream. One key marker is a very high level of creatine kinase (CK) in the blood, which indicates muscle damage. Normal CK levels are usually below 200 U/L.  When I was first hospitalized, my CK level was over 60,000 - which, according to the doctor, was the highest reading the lab equipment could measure at the time.  ER simply means it happens after physical exertion.  In some cases - including mine - recurring episodes can be triggered by very mild exertion.  Rhabdo can lead to complications and a range of lingering symptoms, some of which I am dealing with. The challenge is that underlying causes and safe levels of activity are often unclear.  I’ve been referred to specialists to help figure this out.